Have you ever dealt with a situation that was hard, and you didn’t know what to say? Sometimes it isn’t so much about what we say but what we do that can make all the difference.
In the spring of 2004 we found out I was pregnant with my son Joshua, our third child. The pregnancy came on the heels of my third miscarriage.
A few days after I got a positive pregnancy test, one of my best friends found out she was expecting, too. We were beyond excited when we found out we were due only one day apart.
We just knew it was going to be so much fun to be pregnancy buddies, and it was, for a time.
When my friend lost her baby girl at 17 weeks I was devastated for her. The memories of my own losses came flooding back. Not only that, but I was in the midst of a pregnancy in which I had lost one baby (a vanishing twin) and the “what ifs” started creeping in.
I wanted to talk to my friend, listen to her, cry with her, and tell her I knew how she felt. The only problem was that I knew seeing my round belly might be hard for her to deal with.
Never before have I been so torn between feelings of happiness about being pregnant and feelings of sadness at the thought that it might be the source of more grief for my friend.
I tried to email and call my friend but she didn’t really feel like talking. A couple of days later I bought an angel figurine and drove to my friend’s house.
I had no idea what I was going to say as I knocked on the door. I just wanted my friend to know I was there for her.
When no one answered the door I left the gift inside the storm door and started to leave.
Just as I was about to reach the door of my van, my friend came outside. We hugged and cried for a few minutes. We talked briefly and then I went home.
As the weeks passed my friend was able to talk more about what happened. She showed me pictures of her baby and the mementoes the hospital had given her.
Within a few months my friend conceived another baby. By the time I gave birth to Joshua in December she was starting to show. In May of 2005, I am happy to report, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
When the Words Won’t Come
This story came to my mind today. You see, it has been 6 weeks since my last blog post. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to write, but the words just wouldn’t come.
During the month of January I focused on getting my teaching license renewed and getting my school librarian certification. (Another post for another day.) My days were filled with studying and trying to keep up with housework.
I thought I would get back into the swing of blogging this month, but that obviously hasn’t happened. The only things I have been keeping up with are posting a Bible verse each morning on my Facebook page and sharing a few pictures now and then on Instagram.
Being a blogger is all about the words we share, but every time I would think of something I could post about I would come up with some excuse as to why I couldn’t or shouldn’t.
When I started thinking of the story I shared with you at the beginning of this post the words started flowing again.
Sometimes we don’t know what to say and, really, that’s alright. Just like I didn’t know what to say to my friend, being there for her and listening to her was the most important thing.
Yet, sometimes we let our fears, insecurities, and doubts silence us. We keep quiet when we really should speak up and share our struggles.
Sometimes We Have to Speak Up
There have been so many times when I wanted to share with you about what has been happening in my life, and to ask for prayer for some negativity we are dealing with in our community that has been directed at my husband.
Quite frankly, that negativity has been hard to deal with and has been for the past year and a half. It is the main reason why I wrote my last post called Finding Joy in the Journey. It is also why I haven’t known what to say.
Recenty, a friend shared something with me that made me realize keeping silent isn’t always the answer.
She had texted me about providing food for a funeral dinner when somehow I ended up sharing some of what I had been struggling with. This is what she said.
“We need to let friends help carry the load in prayer, and in tangible ways also. I don’t believe we are designed to carry the load all by ourselves. We are to support each other in these situations. Know that you will be lifted in prayer. God knew I needed to text you this morning.”
This was just another instance of God revealing Himself to me and making me realize how much I need Him. God used my friend to help ease my burdens that day and I am thankful for the lesson I learned.
When we don’t know what to say sometimes that means we need to listen. But, sometimes it means we need to speak up and share our struggles with others. It means we can’t let the devil silence us through our fears. We need to pray for God to show us His plan for us.
I will leave you with a few lyrics to a song by 7eventh Time Down called “Just Say Jesus” that I think sum up what I have been trying to say in just a few words.
“When you don’t know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won’t come cause you’re too afraid to pray
Just say Jesus”
When you don’t know what to say, just say Jesus.