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Blessings Overflowing

Faith~Family~Creativity

May 13, 2010 By Jackie 12 Comments

Miscarriage

When Amy of The Finer Things in Life started her series called “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” about all things pregnancy and baby, I knew I would love it.  I even thought it would be fun to share with others some of my thoughts about the topics she said she would cover.  When she asked if I would write about miscarriage I was willing to do so, even though the more “fun” topics of breastfeeding, natural childbirth, etc. were more appealing.  I am not sure I have done this topic justice, but it is one that is near and dear to my heart.  If you have experienced the pain of a loss, I would love to hear from you.

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Some days I will never forget.  The day my husband and I went on our first date…the day he proposed to me…the day we got married…the days our children were born.  Some days can make me smile just thinking of them.  Some days do not…

September 28, 2000
February 15, 2001
November 29, 2003
September 11, 2006

Some days were filled with tears.  Some days saw hopes and dreams come crashing to an end. Some days made me thankful to still be alive.  Some days I will never forget.

When I was pregnant for the first time I remember reading about miscarriage.  I knew it happened, but never thought it would happen to me.  It happened to other people, people who must have done something “wrong” during their pregnancy.  People to feel sorry for, but not people like me.

And, it didn’t happen during that pregnancy.  Everything was easy with my first pregnancy, and I assumed that since I did everything “right” I would never have to worry about miscarriage.  I was wrong.

Miscarriage does happen to people like me.  It can happen even if you do everything “right”.  Sometimes it happens not just once but twice, three times, even four times.  Sometimes you don’t know why it happens. 

When my daughter was one year old, I got pregnant again.  Feeling pretty confident that I had the whole pregnancy thing figured out, I didn’t anticipate what happened next.  At six weeks I started spotting.  For the next six weeks I was on an emotional roller coaster wondering if I was going to lose the baby or not. 

When I miscarried at 12 weeks, I was devastated.  However, having had one successful pregnancy made me hopeful for another baby.  When our third pregnancy again ended in miscarriage at 10 ½ weeks, I started to wonder if we would be able to have a house full of children like we had dreamed. 

When I got pregnant for the fourth time, I felt a mixture of joy and worry.  I realized that I had taken my first pregnancy for granted.  How I wished I could still be that confident young woman of 25 who never knew the pain of a loss. 

When our first son was born we were overjoyed and felt so blessed.  Many people probably felt like we should have stopped having more children at that point.  After all, we had a girl and a boy now so why would we want to press our luck? 

Yet, we felt like God wasn’t ready for us to stop having children.  I got pregnant for a fifth time, but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks.  It wasn’t as physically taxing of a miscarriage as the other two, but it did make me wonder if we should stop trying for more babies.

A few months later, I was pregnant again.  This time I was able to carry our second son to term.  We had three children, but I felt sure we were supposed to have more. 

At some point I had a very vivid dream.  I will never forget the dream because it was like a glimpse into the future.  I was standing on a front porch with a beautiful young woman and three handsome young men.  They were tall with brown hair and were laughing and talking.  I knew that I was looking at my family several years into the future. 

When I got pregnant for the seventh time, I was nauseous and tired a lot so I thought those were good signs.  However, when I found out at 11 weeks that my baby had died I couldn’t believe I was facing miscarriage for the fourth time.  It took 2 weeks before I lost the baby, and for a short time my family was afraid I might be lost, too. 

The day I miscarried I lost approximately four pints of blood and had to be taken to the ER in an ambulance.  I didn’t want to go because I was afraid I would never see my three sweet children’s faces again.  Yet, God healed my body and I was home within three hours.

I decided that we would wait at least one year for my body to heal before we even thought about trying to have another baby.  However, six months later I felt like God was telling me not to wait.  I thought we had missed our opportunity that month, but was overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant for the eighth time.

Our third son was born healthy and strong in spite of the fact that many people thought that we shouldn’t have tried to have another.  I know not everyone who has faced a miscarriage is able to go on to have another child.  I know some women who  have had a miscarriage are never able to carry a pregnancy to term.  Believe me, I do know how truly blessed we have been.

Four weeks after my fourth miscarriage I attended a Bible study.   Some of the women were asking how I was feeling and told me how sorry they were for my loss. However, there was one woman there who had started attending while I was recuperating.  She said that there was nothing worse than being barren for many years before being able to have a baby.

I felt like snapping back that there was nothing worse than carrying a baby for a few months and then losing it.  However, I refrained and silently nodded to her.

Later, I thought about what she had said.  To her, infertility was a terrible thing to go through.  For me, the miscarriages were terrible things to go through.

Whether a person has struggled with infertility, miscarriage, or lost a baby at any age they know pain and heartbreak. It should never be about who has suffered more, but about how we can help each other and pray for each other.  Dealing with the losses has shaped me into the mother and person I am today. 

After my last miscarriage I made a journal.  In the journal I wrote about each of my losses.  I included ultrasound pictures and cards people had given me.  It was a way of recording what I went through so that I would never forget.  I want to leave you with something I wrote in the front of the journal.

The babies I have in Heaven were all wanted, and we were very sad when the pregnancies ended.  I do believe I will see my angel babies when I get to Heaven.  I may never know why I have experienced these losses, but I pray that I may be able to help others.  God can use any situation for His glory.  I thank Him for all of my babies.–September 2006

Filed Under: Parenting

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jackiesblessings

I have mixed emotions when I reflect on all that h I have mixed emotions when I reflect on all that has happened in 2020. There have been so many negatives for so many people. I can’t say it has all been positive for me either. However, there are some things that have happened in 2020 for which I am so grateful. 
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The main thing I am grateful for is the extra time I was able to spend with my kids. We had so much fun during quarantine and this summer. I know this wasn’t the case for everyone, but I do not regret the days when we had nothing planned and could just have fun together. Whether it was walking in the woods, playing games, watching a movie together, or even doing chores, I never once heard an “I’m bored.” 🙂 
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In addition to the gift of more time together, I am also grateful for all of the milestones we have celebrated this year. In June, my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary, and then we had four milestone birthdays. Julia turned 21, James turned 18, Joshua turned 16, and Joseph turned 13. (Janna felt left out, so we told her that her birthday was special because it was her last birthday in single digits.) Also, today marks 25 years that JT and I have been married. 
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While I won’t be sorry to see 2020 go, and I hope
and pray 2021 is better for so many people who are hurting right now, I don’t ever want to forget the good times we had this year. 
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P.S. I took all of these pictures over fall break.
The girls and I recorded our parts for our virtual The girls and I recorded our parts for our virtual church service yesterday, and I couldn’t resist getting a picture with them in front of this beautiful Christmas tree. ❤️
James has been playing school basketball since he James has been playing school basketball since he was in the fourth grade. Tonight he and his fellow Seniors  were recognized at their game, and I just can’t believe James is this old. 
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Normally, Senior Night is the last game of the season. However,  because everything in the world seems so uncertain right now, we wanted to make sure the boys got a chance to be recognized. We wanted something “normal” for them. I am thankful James and his teammates not only got recognized but also won their game. 
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P.S. We had our masks on at all times other than when we took pictures.
We have another teenager in the house! Joseph is t We have another teenager in the house! Joseph is turning 13 today, and it just doesn’t seem possible. The beautiful baby boy who was placed in my arms on a cold and foggy day in December is still my “little” guy. However, after looking at this picture of the two of us, I don’t think he will be shorter than me for long. Joseph is still my shy guy, but he is also sweet, loving, kind, and just an all around good kid. We also lovingly refer to him as the cat whisperer because the kittens and cats follow him around like puppies. 🙂 It has been so much fun to have Joseph at school with me this year now that he is in junior high, and I am so thankful that I get to be his mama. Happy birthday, Joseph! ❤️
2020 has been challenging in so many ways. One of 2020 has been challenging in so many ways. One of those challenges was self-inflicted. 🙂 I just finished my fourth master’s level course of 2020 through Ball State, and I passed the high ability licensure exam last Thursday. This means that I will soon have high ability added to my teaching license. 
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When I signed up to take my first class in January, I had no idea what 2020 was going to entail. Teaching in a pandemic isn’t for the faint of heart. Taking classes and caring for five kids while teaching in a pandemic has allowed me to see what I am really made of. I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty happy that I received straight A’s. Beyond that, I learned so much, and I am grateful for this opportunity even though I felt stretched to my limits some days. 
.
Yes, 2020 has been challenging, but I have been blessed with more time with my family, knowledge gained, and challenges met and overcome.
I almost forgot to post this here. 🎂 Joshua is I almost forgot to post this here. 
🎂
Joshua is 16 years old today. It doesn’t seem possible that my little pip squeak of a baby boy is now about 6’4”. Joshua is now the tallest of the family, and I’m not sure he is done growing. There hasn’t been a dull moment since Joshua arrived, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. He is a fun-loving, hard-working, kind-hearted, and intelligent young man. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for him. I am so thankful God thought I was up to the task of being Joshua’s mama. ❤️
My little 7 pound 20 inch baby boy, who didn’t c My little 7 pound 20 inch baby boy, who didn’t cry as soon as he was born but first looked around to see what was going on in the world, is now a 6’2” handsome man. I truly never thought the years would go by so quickly, but here we are. James is 18 today. 

There are so many words I could use to describe James: hardworking, dedicated, persevering, intelligent, funny, curious, kindhearted, dependable, respectful, and helpful. I could also expound upon his accomplishments, and I could tell you how great he is. However, I don’t love James for what he has accomplished but simply because he is my son.

I have been so blessed to be James’s mom, and I thank God every day for entrusting him into my care. I don’t know what the future will hold for him, but I know he will do great things. 

For anyone reading this who is struggling with a tantrum throwing toddler, a strong-willed child, and/or a child who questions everything, I would like to encourage you. Look for the positive qualities your child possesses such as perseverance, dedication, and curiosity and build upon that. I will never regret the hard days of parenting because my prayers and hard work have paid off. Helping James reach his full potential and keep those qualities without breaking his spirit has been worth the effort.

Happy Birthday, James!
I’m not going to sugar coat it. Today seemed sur I’m not going to sugar coat it. Today seemed surreal. It felt chaotic. Nothing was normal. We are all exhausted. However, it was wonderful to be with my students again after five months, and my own kids enjoyed seeing their friends. I don’t know how this school year will play out, but I am ready to go back tomorrow and try to make teaching virtually and in person work to the best of my ability. My students are worth the effort. 
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James is a senior, and this was his last first day of school. Joshua is a sophomore, and Joseph is in 7th grade which means I have all three of my boys in the same building with me. Janna is in fourth grade, and she was very excited to be back at school. Julia will be a senior in college when she starts back next week. 
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I am praying we all have a safe and healthy school year. I plan to try not to think about the unknowns and what-ifs and take it one day at a time.
This morning I told four of my kids we were going This morning I told four of my kids we were going to go on an adventure. (No, I didn’t leave one out of the fun. James played in a golf tournament with his dad. 🙂) Anyway, it was quite an adventure. It started with my vehicle telling me one of the tires needed air, but it must be a bad sensor because it was fine. Then I almost ran out of gas. I drove us on all sorts of country roads we had never been on, and I even thought I was going south when I was actually going north for like 10 miles. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It was very obvious I have not been many places since March. 
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Anyway, Julia, Joshua, Joseph, Janna, and I went to @maxandhoneys where we took some pictures and picked a beautiful bouquet. It was really fun. After that, we went to Greencastle and then to Lieber State Recreation Area. We finished by stopping to do a few things in my classroom, and we made it home before it started raining.
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I am so thankful for a day of doing something fun and “normal” but out of the ordinary. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s the best way to describe it. Yes, we had to wear masks sometimes and practice social distancing, but it was still a good day. 
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Here are some pictures from our day. The last picture is of James before he went to play golf. How is he old enough to be a senior? 😢 I am so thankful for my family. 💕 Also, kudos to Joshua and Joseph for being good sports about picking flowers. Their future wives will thank me. 😀

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