–I wanted to share something that I will be reading at church today. I woke up one morning recently and this is what was on my mind. My little Janna will be getting baptized today, and my hope is that this helps bridge the gap between our remembrance of 9-11 and the sacrament of baptism.
“Jackie, turn on your TV. Something terrible has happened.”
I switched on the TV in my 2nd grade classroom and tried to figure out what had happened. My students and I stared in disbelief as we watched a plane fly into a tower. Could this really have just happened? I felt utterly helpless as we watched people start jumping out of windows.
I was brought back to reality by a little voice that asked, “They’re going to be all right, aren’t they?”
As I looked at my students I tried to be positive and said, “I pray that they will be.” However, I felt a sense of panic mingled with sadness. I wasn’t sure that anyone would be all right.
As the events of the day unfolded the future of our country seemed so uncertain.
My thoughts turned to Julia who was just 2 years old. What kind of world was she going to grow up in?
While our country was facing the crisis that everyone knows as “9-11”, I was also uncertain about the future of our little family of three.
Having already been through two miscarriages, I wondered if Julia was going to be an only child. I prayed that she wouldn’t be.
As the years passed the Lord heard my prayers and chose to bless us with three sons. After Joseph was born, I kept my desire to have another daughter hidden in my heart. How could I ever ask God to give us another baby when we already had four wonderful children?
Yet, the Lord knew the desires of my heart. I could not keep a secret from Him.
One morning in late July of 2010, the Lord spoke to me in a dream. He told me that I was going to have a baby girl, and that I was to name her Janna (which means God’s gift) Caroline (which means beautiful).
I wasn’t sure how this could be, but I should have known that nothing is impossible for God.
On April 7th, when little Janna Caroline was placed into my arms, I thanked God for His “beautiful gift”.
I never want to cease to thank God for His bountiful blessings, even when I am faced with heartache, disappointment, or tragedy.
Today, ten years since that fateful day, I still do not know why God allowed something so terrible to happen to our country, or why we all have to go through trials and tribulations.
What I do know is that I serve an ever-present, living God who loves and cares for each one of us. As I look out at my not-so-little family of seven, I know it’s true.
We each have a choice to make every day. Will we fold in the face of tragedy or stand strong for Him?
*Update: I cried while reading this at church, but I made it through. Here is a picture of my husband, Janna and I after the service. My mom made her dress and my dad baptized Janna. It was a lovely service.
If you care to read more about my lost babies, here is a post I wrote two years ago about miscarriage.